Chef Tyler Kord Wants Netflix with Long Commercial Breaks
He misses working during the ads but really needs Moana and a grill.
Tyler Kord is a busy man. As chef and owner of No. 7 Sub and No. 7 restaurant, he’s constantly cooking, creating, and innovating. To celebrate Father’s Day, Quiddity caught up with the dad of a one-year old daughter to find out what he wants and what he needs.
Wants: A second bathroom
I am a fairly neurotic person, and I live with a very low-grade fear of a stomach virus or food poisoning striking my wife, child, and me at the same time in our tiny, one-bathroom apartment. And while I don’t want it bad enough to try to secure the loans, permits, and permissions involved in such an extreme renovation, I still think about it a lot more than most rational people probably do. I’m deeply sorry if you live with multiple people in an apartment with only one bathroom and I’ve now given you something to worry about.
A much more pressing concern, and one that I could actually potentially do something about, would be to make it so that when I fall asleep and dreamily put my phone on my bedside table, it actually charges instead of surprising me with 5 percent left on my battery when I wake up and have to rush to work. I got confused and bought the charger, but my phone is too old to know how to charge on it. It just sits there smiling, seemingly oblivious to its imminent battery doom!
Wants: A streaming movie service with commercials
I love watching movies, but I usually feel too guilty about taking a break from work to do it. The fix is to watch movies I’ve already seen on television stations that have commercial breaks because I can get a lot of work done during those breaks. But they only ever show Taken on TV and as much as I love it, I could use a little more variety. Is there a Netflix with long commercial breaks? Not like those on Hulu where they just show one commercial at the break and it’s always the same one.
Needs: To own Moana
It seems to be the only thing that will hypnotize my one-year-old daughter long enough for me to get any work done on the cookbook I’m currently trying to finish. And it’s on Netflix! But what will happen when it isn’t? How will I explain to her why it’s gone? She really only understands a couple of words and it will be super hard to explain how Netflix works by trying to figure out the correct combination of “no,” “mama,” and “more” that won’t make her think that her mother has passed away. Sorry, I took this Moana thing to a weird place, and I should probably just buy the DVD.
When The New York Times teamed up with Google and sent subscribers that piece of cardboard that, when you put your phone in it and held it up to your eyes, transported you to standing directly beneath the Eiffel Tower or witnessing a supply drop to a refugee camp in Jordan, my mind was totally blown. And now I want to pilot a virtual spaceship and fly around. But I’m paranoid, and worried that, in the best-case scenario, I’ll knock over my wife’s favorite lamp, and in the worst, she will tap me on the arm while I’m having a tense moment in the cockpit of the USS Broccolini and I will have a heart attack and die and my baby will grow up embarrassed of her father who died playing video games, but not like in Tron. Also, I think they’re super expensive.
Needs: An exercise bike
I’m not sure it would really fit in my apartment, but instead of flailing around in virtual reality, I could do it in real reality and get in shape at the same time. I ride my real bike a fair amount in the summer but I need a virtual one for the winter and when it’s raining. I am totally pathetic because there is a real gym very close to my apartment but I hate it there and when I was paying for a membership I virtually never went there. With an exercise bike I could watch Taken while I ride in the comfort of my tiny apartment which is now potentially even tinier due to the inclusion of an exercise bike!
Wants: A Weber charcoal grill
There is nothing quite like the flavor of something that has been cooked over charcoal. Maybe it’s because I associate it so much with the summers of my childhood, but gas grills and wood burning ovens just don’t do the same thing for me. I want a really big Weber grill that can fit four butterflied chickens and a steak for just in case, and the biggest bag of charcoal that they make to go with it. And four very cold beers.
Needs: Some kind of outdoor space that can fit a very large Weber grill
Maybe a roof deck? Is there a thing where somebody can build a little platform off of the side of the brownstone I live in so that we can have a deck? Maybe just remove the back wall of our apartment and replace it with a garage door? How cool would that be?!?!
Wants: A summer home
Brooklyn has been on a steady path of gentrification and unaffordability since I moved to the borough about 20 years ago, but all of a sudden, it seems to have become home to people who are so wealthy that they can afford summer homes, so that they don’t even bother living in Brooklyn in the summer anymore. While we used to all commiserate about the heat over cold beers in air conditioned bars on the weekend, now, Ft. Greene at any rate, is a ghost town on the weekends in the summer. And so if my restaurant is going to be empty all weekend for four months out of the year I may as well be sipping cocktails on a porch all day, grilling chickens and steaks on an enormous Weber grill, not standing in a restaurant kitchen, doing nothing and wondering how I’m going to adapt a neighborhood restaurant in a very highly populated neighborhood into a seasonal business that is only open when the rich people return from the Hudson Valley.
Guys, when you’re not at your summer home, maybe lay off the Seamless and Caviar a little on the weekdays. Our broccoli tacos go great with Netflix on your couch, but they go even better with a cocktail and a salad at our gorgeous bar or in our beautiful dining room. And they’re served on plates that we will wash for you! And your children can come eat a fried chicken sandwich as large as their heads and watch Netflix on an iPad! We are here for you!!!
Noah Davis is Quiddity’s Launch Editor and co-founder of Three Point Four Media.